Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
