I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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