Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
