and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
