i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Shame is for Republicans.
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