somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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