i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
