I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
