I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
