i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
