Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
it's like heaven, but drunker
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize