my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
