We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
