Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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