yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize