We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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