I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
