i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
