they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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