ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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