I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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