im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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