Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
