party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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