Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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