He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
