when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
