You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
