was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
