There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
