i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize