I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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