I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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