Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize