If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
