Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
