Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
