It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
