so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
MIDGETS
????
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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