Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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