The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
