Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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