We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
