Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
