Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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