He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
