I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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