if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
