it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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