i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Randomize
