Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Randomize
