i may or may not be watching the land before time
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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