Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
