okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
