Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
