Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
