If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Every concussion has its silver lining
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
