why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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