It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
