She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
