Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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