You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
