Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
