I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
