Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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