Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This baby is an asshole
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
