In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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