He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize