Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
