Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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