Just fell off a train. Bad.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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