so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
