Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My bed smells like the plague
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
the raccoons are back...
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