just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
