Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
