how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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