So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I understand Curling. That high.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
