When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
