I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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