An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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