The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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