I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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