Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
