If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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