he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
