I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
