Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize