we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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